Corporations Lobby to Ban All Free Stuff

Free samples, handouts, and giveaways may soon be banned by law if several powerful corporations have their way.

Photo by Hunters Race on Unsplash

After successfully lobbying lawmakers to introduce a bill that would ban the IRS from releasing a free e-filing software, lobbyists representing Intuit and other corporations have banded together again with a more bold goal: to ban all freebies.

“When you think about it, why should consumers not pay for some products or services? That’s literally their purpose,” a corporate lobbyist told lawmakers at a sponsored dinner about the proposed changes.

“The bottom line is, freeloaders are bad for the economy,” one senator told The New York Prophet as he left the event.

Wait staff working the event expressed concern when told what the lobbyists were trying to achieve.

“Does that mean they won’t have these dinners anymore? Working these events are my primary source of income,” He said after the event.

“The crowd doesn’t tip great, but I do usually get to take home some leftovers.”

Sam Dean, one of the lobbyists that organized the event, was quick to reassure him.

“Don’t worry, these types of events will be exempt from the proposed laws. I don’t think we would get any laws passed without them!”

The bill is expected to be debated in the House by the end of the year.