Elizabeth Warren Quits 2020 Race to Become Full-Time Billionaire Slayer
Senator Warren suspends her campaign for President to focus on another passion - taking down billionaires.
| Photo by Gage Skidmore via Flickr
After felling Mike Bloomberg live on stage at the last democratic debate, Massachusetts Senator Elizabeth Warren has developed a taste for billionaire blood.
Suspending her campaign to be the Democratic candidate for President in the 2020 election, Senator Warren announced yesterday she wants to focus full-time on destroying the hopes and dreams of other billionaires.
“Understand this, billionaires fucking suck,” Warren told reporters outside her home in Cambridge yesterday before issuing a stern warning to Amazon CEO, Jeff Bezos.
“Prime yourself Mr. Bezos, because I’m coming for you next.”
Elon Musk, the billionaire CEO of Tesla, has reportedly spent $15 million improving security at his mansion in Brentwood, California since the last democratic debate aired. A source close to Musk told the NY Prophet that watching former Mayor Mike Bloomberg get eviscerated on live television really scared the tech entrepreneur.
“Warren’s performance at the debate totally freaked him out,” the anonymous source said. “But he was pretty high when we watched it, so that probably didn’t help.”
Another billionaire, Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg, doesn’t understand why Warren has such fierce animosity towards him and his peers.
“I don’t know why she hates me so much,” Zuckerberg told reporters on the beach of his private, 700-acre property in Hawaii. “I pay my taxes, I donate to charity, I wear tees. I’m just like everybody else.”
In response to Zuckerberg’s comments, a spokesperson for Warren said the Senator is looking forward to making the Facebook founder “cry harder than when The Social Network came out”.
